Alternative eating methods: Chocolate

Every time I eat caramel, my legs go all funny. The orgasm in my mouth is just so paralyzing. The reason why this is so is because I don't eat chocolate bars the way normal folk do.

So how can you get the same high as me? The answer: Wispa Golds and a bit of eating creativity.

Now there are other ways of eating chocolate bars and biscuits as well as the usual bite length ways and chew. Why not experiment a little, and use your tongue to lick off the chocolate?

I suggest you try experimenting in the comfort of your own home, because trying the methods I'm about to share with you in the canteen at work or school may turn a few heads.

My personal favourite way of eating Wispa Golds is like this:

You turn the Wispa upside down as if the widest part is the top, then you turn it so that your teeth align with the bar length ways and bite into it about halfway down. This wont be neat, but it will mostly leave the caramel with a little bit of the Wispa chocolate on top. Eat this way all along the bar until you're left with what should be a thin Wisper Gold. Now enjoy the result! Having less of the chocolate brings out the flavour of the caramel more.

Now Wispa Golds were brought back for a limited run in September according to the Wispa group on Facebook. However they are still on sale in my local Tesco and in shops around my area, so you might not be too late and still have the chance to try out this method of eating them.

I suggest you try it before you knock it. If you love caramel like me, then you will enjoy eating Wispa Golds the way I do. You can do this with other foods as well as Wispa Golds. Try it with a Twix, or caramel Kitkats (the chunky ones, the smaller ones don't contain as much caramel).

There are other types of chocolate you could try alternative eating methods on like Rolo and Cadbury's Caramel Eggs, although these take a bit more skill. You've got to bite into the top of the egg then peel away the chocolate layer while licking the caramel with your tongue whenever it tries to escape the egg. I challenge you to see how far down you can get eating away the chocolate without eating the caramel.

Then there are those caramel/fudge cake bars from Cadbury's, where first I turn the bar upside down and delicately bite away the thin chocolate on the bottom and sides of the bar, not touching the chocolate containing the filling. Then I wrap my teeth around the sponge then peel it away, leaving the filling. I then take very small bites out of it, because I've found this way it tastes better for some reason.

You could alternatively lick the chocolate away, this is more messy but you may get a bigger tongue orgasm taking your time.

If I could have it my way, I'd make all chocolate bars have less chocolate and more filling in them. One day I may well make my dream come true, and set up tomato sauce and caramel factories.