Annoying sauce stains? Minutes before an interview?

Picture the scene. You're dressed in your best clobber ready for that crucial job interview, the sort you keep in the attic - never mind in your wardrobe it's that posh.

Theres so much pressure on you; the missus has had enough of you, that unemployed ass of yours and your stinking underwear (so has the dog, she stopped stealing it from the laundry basket since you stopped using toilet paper). She wants you to nail this job interview for colouring in Christmas cards she found advertised in the local paper. She sends you out the door and says "You'd better get this boyo, or me and the kids are running off with Roberto to Spain".

You're running late, but you're hungry. So you call into the nearest chippy and order a big juicy half pounder chicken burger caked in sloppy tomato sauce. You take one big bite into the bad boy, admire the fine taste, and as you do so a dollop of the runny stuff lands on your finest interview shirt.

Oh no! What do you do?

Well not to worry, because I have the perfect solution to turning this situation around. Don't believe me? Try this on for size:

Find a cigarette stub on the floor. Any will do, even the properly burned out ones. Light it, then stick the burning end onto the stain until it burns through the clothing.

Next, find a piece of mint flavoured chewing gum, either off the floor or from underneath the waiting room chair. You'll be able to tell if it's mint by the taste. Lick the gum until it's sticky and soft (if it isn't already) and squash it flat. Stick it on the inside of your shirt so that you can see it through the hole. Obtain some toilet roll from the toilets.

Now this is where your pure talent come in. Use your Chinese folding skills to make a flower and stick it onto the gum. Hey presto - the stain is gone! Well, almost...

This will definitely draw attention away from the stain. Anybody who catches sight of the Chinese folded flower will think "Hey that's nice, where do I get one of those?" and before you know it everyone will be asking you about it, and those other job seekers going for that interview will be envious of you, wondering how they can compete with such a talented individual such as yourself.

You will have officially turned a negative situation into a positive one. You will storm your interview, making a good impression passing with flying colours. Congratulations, you got the job!

Well, you will have unless your Chinese folding skills suck. You should have listened in Chinese folding school...